One foot in front of the other and repeating the process

So I promised myself I would write a positive blog at some point.   I don't walk around being miserable every moment of the day.   I try to be upbeat and I love spending time with Patrick and thinking about being his mom makes me smile.   He is my wonderful sweet boy.  Progress has been made with my husband and Patrick and their relationship.   He is starting to embrace and except the fatherhood role with him.   There have been absolute moments of wonderfulness between the two of them.   That makes me smile, even right now I am smiling as I think about the two of them together.  
There is pain today in my heart.   I feel like my emotions have been placed in a blender on high speed.   I am confused, hurting, and numb but raw at the same time.   The topic has been lingering over our heads.   Yesterday was not the first time Church had become an issue.  It was so difficult yesterday that my husband got up and left .   I understand his points but at that moment I felt like I had been emotionally punched in the gut.   I felt lightheaded and I thought I was going to faint.   I almost asked the family in front of us to watch Patrick for a moment so I could get some air but somehow I made it thru church.   My husband and I have had vastly different situations at the same church.   I have enjoyed getting to know the ladies at church.   I have gone out on a limb with my story for the first time in my life and I have been received with suppport, compassion,  and understanding.   This is the first time I have been this plugged into a church and I have been enjoying the fellowship and prayer.   My husband has had the opposite reaction at church.   I think Sunday was the last straw.   I don't believe he will ever come to church again at that church.   I am heartbroken because I enjoy this church, the support, and the message.   I have grown spiritually, especially in my prayer life. Patrick has fit in well there.   I always envisioned worshipping on sunday morning in church together.   I am not sure what to do next.   According to scriptures the father is the head of the household so I feel that I should follow my husband.   Is this a sign of end times because husband is pitted against wife.   I am not sure there is a compromise here.   Or at least I can't see it because I am clouded with emotions.   I haven't really wanted to pray or trust in God because in my mind I am blaming God or at least angry with Him.   Why do we have to  argue about church.   Seriously this should be a non-issue I would think.    If we went somewhere else I am not sure I would put forth the effort to engage with the other women.   I feel like I probably would just be withdrawn.    One of the recurring themes in my life is that I trust people and expect them to be there and when they are not I just give up trying.   I go back to my mantra of work harder and you can get through anything.  You don't need help.   I am sure I still would have the friends there but it isn't the same when you don't attend the functions of the church.   It is easier just to give up at this point.   Why fight the pain.  Just give in and move forward right.   Trusting God to work it all out.  Today I am just so bitter and hurt.   That I can't think clearly.   I wish denial would soon come because my emotions are on a very high level and I want them to stop.