what a long week

It has been a tremendously difficult last week or so in my life.   My husband and I had the argument that we have been avoiding since the beginning of our marriage the church issue.   See I was raised in a particular denomination, and while I do not think that you have to be in this denomination to be saved, this is what I have gravitated towards.  My husband on the other hand prefers a different kind of worship.   I have planted roots in this church with a budding support system, something I have never done before or had before.  I am learning and growing in my relationship with Christ.   Something I wish we could all find at the same church.   Very hurtful words were exchanged between the two of us which I think was more traumatic then the thought of moving churches.   I felt that my husband was no longer supportive of me and that my support system at church was being removed also.   With every negative word spoken I felt a nail going into the roof of my box of depression.   Further sinking me deeper and deeper.   There was some feelings of hopelessness and no where to turn.   I was even kind of mad at God because I was thinking why are we fighting about this God.   Where are you in all this?   I must admit I havent been praying much this week or reading my Bible because I was kind of feeling what like what is the point.   I have made a concerted effort to try but it seems there are some layers in the way.   My son and I went to church on Sunday.  It was hard for me, I felt like an outsider.  There was more of a this is temporary feeling.  Don't invest too much but that is actually hurting my relationship with God.  I went to Bible Study monday and I was in a room with 8 other women and felt so alone.  I was however able to focus on the Word and get deeper with God.   A wonderful part of my support system was there and it was nice to chat with them after.   They are amazing Christian Women who have been so supportive.   This week continues to be difficult.  My husband read my blog and isn't too happy about it and would prefer that I stop blogging.  I understands and respect his desire not to have our business aired in a public forum such as the internet.   I am not sure how I should proceed with that.  I kind of feel like I am being isolated from my support and now one of my outlets in the internet.   My ex husband was a very jealous man and he isolated me from everything.   Maybe this feels familar with my current husband but really isnt.  I supposed time will tell.   I feel like we probably don't trust each other as much as we should.  He is left wondering what I am actually writing and I am left wondering if he is trying to isolate and control me.   Sounds like a wonderful spot for our marriage to be in.   I have counseling tomorrow and maybe we need to go back togther.   I amnot sure what the best thing to do would be.  Last night I felt alone in my house.  Everyone was asleep and there I sat.   I am trying to do what is in the best interest of everyone and be respectful of their wishes but I also need to be healthy.   Wouldn't that be great if it was all the same thing.  I want to sleep again for the whole night.   I was able to take down some layers with God this morning and I prayed I mean seriously had a conversation with Him.   I have some peace now but I know the struggles continue.