The Peak and Valleys

I got my husband back sometime these past few days.   He went back to the wonderful thoughtful sweet man that he is.   He made my birthday ever so special.   Getting him back has also brought me back to happier times.   He still can't see the dishes stacked up on the counter, the cereal bowl on his nightstand, or his dirty clothes stacked up on the flour in the bedroom and bathroom but he does the little things to make me feel special everyday.   On my birthday he got me my favorite drink from Starbucks, a new basketball and the weather was so nice we went for a walk in a garden I had always wanted to go too.   The basketball was an amazing gift because we just picked up a basketball hoop from a friend who no longer needed it.   I used to play a lot of basketball as a kid and that passion has been rekindled since Patrick has gotten interested in basketball.   I could be out there shooting all hours of the night.   I am sure my neighbors will appreciate that.   There is a sense of peace just out there shooting bucket after bucket.   I can actually still shoot pretty well still.  Today was an interesting day.   Church was good.   We did some family grocery shopping after.   Then I started to get a little cracky.   I don't get much time to myself sometimes.   Patrick was tired and more difficult to deal with usually.    My husband sometimes gets annoyed by this easily and then fans the crankiness of Patrick, leaving me to handle both of them.   Patrick went to his Dad's for the afternoon.   Usually my husband then wants to do a million things together because we don't have Patrick.   I get frustrated because where exactly is my downtime.   I mentioned this to my husband and he asked what can I do to help which was awesome and helped eleviate my crankiness.  
I hope to get to the real purpose of this blog in the coming weeks.  I started to blog to tell my story to help other people but most importantly to get the story out of my head.  I no longer want the memories to rattle in my brain.   I also want  to tell my story to continue to help me heal and to help prevent back sliding.   You see the fireworks of anxiety have randomly started to explode in head.  I have slipped into a pretty significant depression for about 2 weeks which is just starting to lift.    I have questions still in my head and heart.   Who am I at my core and how do I move forward.   Do I need different medications??  The journey continues.